TSFLIP Chapter 176

April 12, Sunny.

The diagnosis was “skin hunger.” That’s what the doctor said.

When I heard the diagnosis, I wasn’t surprised. What surprised me was that this psychological condition only flared up when I saw her.

The doctor recommended therapy, warning that the condition could lead to irrational behavior if it got worse. I refused because I didn’t want to waste my attention on a woman I disliked.

Yes, Xia Fengguang is a woman I dislike.

April 18, Sunny.

It’s been seven days since the incident on the bridge, and six since I received the diagnosis.

I woke up today to find the sheets still damp. My dream hasn’t changed at all. It’s not a pleasant dream, but something about it has me entranced.

I cracked Guo Ming’s online storage password and watched all the adult videos in his “study materials” folder. The rough actions of the men, the deliberately exaggerated voices of the women—it all felt uninteresting.

I don’t understand. Xia Fengguang is also a woman, her body is no different from theirs. So why is she the only one who stirs my fantasies, even in dreams, making me feel an uncontrollable excitement?

This must be because of skin hunger.

April 22, Overcast.

I’ve fallen in love with this dream.

In it, her skin is so soft and fair, and her voice so alluring.

I have no reason to resist the comfort of this dream.

April 23, Overcast.

I made her cry.

It wasn’t intentional.

Why was she so kind to help that man?

I’m jealous.

Extremely jealous.

But I regret it because she cried.

She isn’t a bad person.

She’s the most hidden, shameful secret in my heart.

April 24, Overcast.

I replaced all the web pages. Now, anyone who opens those pages will see she didn’t do those things—she was wrongly accused.

And I was one of those who accused her.

Will she be happy?

She wants a jade lotus and a silver squirrel. I can get those for her.

Guo Ming said girls like heart-shaped things, so I arranged these items into a heart shape.

Will she like it?

April 25, Sunny.

She didn’t log into the game.

April 26, Sunny.

She still hasn’t logged into the game.

April 30, Rainy.

Today, I couldn’t resist spying on her.

I accessed her computer’s camera, which faces her bed.

She was wearing a nightgown, lying on the bed reading a book. She turned on her side, supporting her head with one hand. From this angle, a faint line showed on her chest beneath the white nightgown. I wanted to touch it, remembering the feeling of that day when she was on top of me.

Her thigh was exposed, as pale as jade, and I caught a glimpse of pink under her dress.

That’s her favorite color.

I couldn’t hold back, imagining her crying like she does in my dreams, and I released myself.

May 1, Sunny.

Today she wore a yellow dress. She likes dresses because she looks both elegant and playful in them—very cute.

I want to take that dress off her.

May 2, Sunny.

Tonight, she went to bed one minute earlier than usual.

Is she in a bad mood?

Or is she feeling unwell?

I want her to fall asleep in my arms.

May 13, Sunny.

Today, I attended a class I never used to care about—because she was there. I wanted to save her a seat.

She smelled so lovely, even more enchanting than I’d imagined.

There were too many people around, so I held back from hugging her.

She wrote my name down. It took her a few tries to get it right, but I loved the way she wrote it. I locked that piece of paper in my safe.

Thanks to Zhou Lie, I finally had a legitimate reason to be by her side.

She even told Shen Wuyan that I was her boyfriend, which made me so happy.

One day, I’ll be her husband.

May 14, Sunny.

I can’t let her know that I’m Ren Woxing. I have to keep this secret.

I know she skips breakfast every day, which isn’t good for her health. I decided to make breakfast for her.

After thirty-seven tries with the egg rolls and twenty-eight tries with the vegetable buns, I finally made them perfectly. She enjoyed it.

I decided I’d make breakfast for her every day.

She’s good at pretending to be strong, but when I overheard her talking to Zhao Xiaolu, I couldn’t stop myself from bringing her home. I wanted her to lean on me more, so I’d feel truly important to her.

I kissed her. She enjoyed it, but she stopped me from going further. I respected her decision, but while holding her hand, I relieved myself.

It felt different than doing it alone—her touch made it intoxicating.

May 15, Sunny.

She found out.

She found out the secret I was trying to keep from her.

She doesn’t believe me.

Suddenly, I can’t hear my heartbeat.

Am I already dead?

May 16, Overcast.

I’m still alive.

May 20, Sunny.

Today, I made two fresh cuts on my hand. The color of the blood is beautiful.

But I still miss her.

I want to see her, to touch her.

May 26, Sunny.

The wounds healed quickly.

I realize that cuts alone aren’t enough.

I want to keep her locked away.

May 28, Sunny.

She’s going abroad; she’s leaving me.

I won’t let her go.

She can’t leave me!

May 29, Sunny.

She came back.

Back to my side.

She’s willing to start over with me.

I feel alive again.

June 17, Sunny.

Guo Ming moved to a dormitory provided by his new job, so we ended the lease on our old place. I bought an apartment near the university because Fengguang finally agreed to live with me.

Today, we got married in the game. Blade-with-a-Heart attended as a witness; he’s renamed himself to Heartless-Blade and often waits for that girl named Meng Guo’er at the respawn point.

Fengguang was interested in him, but when I told her that Heartless-Blade was Zhou Lie, she lost all interest. She hates Zhou Lie, and that makes me happy.

Even Shen Wuyan doesn’t know that Blade-with-a-Heart is his cousin.

I told her that I could uncover anyone’s identity if I wanted to.

Fengguang said I’m amazing.

Tonight, I’ll show her in bed what “amazing” really means.

Fengguang’s voice called from the kitchen, “Ou Xun! Let’s make dinner!”

“Alright.” Ou Xun replied, setting down his pen and closing his diary. He intended to put it in the safe but changed his mind.

He opened the cabinet, revealing a hidden space behind it. He’d bought this apartment specifically for this hidden compartment, which was originally designed as a shelter for emergencies.

Inside the sizable space, a metal cage held an assortment of pink dolls. If you ignored the fact that they were piled up in a cage, you’d think they were just toys for a little girl.

Ou Xun tossed the diary into the cage, then turned and restored everything to its original state. By the time Fengguang called his name a second time, he had already come up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

There are some things she’ll never know—so long as she stays by his side forever.