Mu Dai trembled. For a moment, she struggled, but her movement only tightened his hold, as if she were the last lifeline in a drowning world.
His emotions were raw, overwhelming. She had come to check on him—but for him, her presence became the one thread pulling him out of darkness.
She asked if he was awake. He didn’t want to be—not yet. Awake meant putting on calm, composure, responsibility. Awake meant returning to the person everyone expected him to be, the one who solved problems with steady hands.
But he wasn’t that person tonight. Tonight, he was broken, shaken, mired in guilt.
And she—bright, gentle, uncomplicated—was the one light he’d ever tried to reach for, even if only to pretend he wasn’t living in perpetual night.
Holding her, he felt the world fall away. His grief, his past, the blood, the brothers lost—gone. Only her warmth remained, soft and close.
For a moment, he felt he could disappear into that warmth.
But then—
Something made him stop.
He opened his eyes fully and saw Mu Dai beneath him, breath unsteady, cheeks flushed, her nightdress slightly disheveled. She looked startled and embarrassed, her gaze uncertain yet filled with concern for him.
Her fingertips brushed the corner of his eye.
“…Were you having a nightmare? Was it about… the Philippines?”
Luo Ren’s voice was hoarse. “Why did you come?”
Why had she? Mu Dai suddenly couldn’t remember the reason. Only that she had felt she needed to.
He reached for the knots of her nightdress, loosening one. The silk slipped slightly from her shoulder before she instinctively brought her hands up in surprise.
Luo Ren froze. The moment broke.
He exhaled, gathered her gently, and turned her away, wrapping his arms around her from behind. Instead of pressing forward, his kisses shifted—light, almost seeking comfort—at the back of her neck, her shoulder, her hair.
But even that tenderness carried an edge of desperation.
Unable to keep steady, his hands trembled. Mu Dai shivered beneath his touch, breath hitching, overwhelmed by emotions she didn’t know how to name. This wasn’t the usual restrained Luo Ren. Something inside him had fractured tonight.
When she whispered his name, he paused.
He turned her to face him. She looked flushed, breathless, trying not to meet his eyes. Every inch of her posture spoke of nervousness, vulnerability—and trust.
“Was the nightmare… about Tasha?” she asked softly.
He hesitated—then nodded.
She swallowed. “Does… being close like this make you feel better?”
He froze at the bluntness of the question.
“If I said yes,” he asked quietly, “would you be willing?”
Her whole body tightened. After a long moment… she slowly lowered her hands from her chest.
She looked at him once, then closed her eyes.
“Luo Ren… it would be my first time. Please… be gentle.”
Something clutched at his chest—guilt, tenderness, shame all tangled.
This girl… in response to his brokenness… offered everything she had.
Luo Ren pulled her upright and carefully brought her clothes back together, fastening each button. Then he smoothed her hair with trembling hands.
Mu Dai blinked, confused—and embarrassed to her core.
Had she just… offered herself? How was she supposed to face him now?
She scooted away, red-faced.
Luo Ren said quietly, “I don’t know what rules your sect has. But tomorrow, if your master agrees… I’ll formally ask to marry you.”
“…Huh?”
Mu Dai stared, stunned.
He smiled. “You don’t want to?”
“I—It’s not that. It’s just… isn’t this too fast?”
“Fast? I’ve already taken advantage of you so many times. Doesn’t it all belong to me now?”
Mu Dai’s face turned bright red. But she couldn’t help smiling.
Luo Ren pulled her gently into his arms again, kissed her forehead, and said:
“But I have one condition.”
A condition? At a time like this? Shouldn’t she be the one making demands?
“Mu Dai… I’m not taking you back to Lijiang. You and Cao Yanhua follow Senior Brother and hide somewhere safe.”
She stiffened. “Why?”
“The Leopard has entered the country. Aoki and I have work to do. If you’re with me, I’ll lose focus.”
She gave a disbelieving laugh. “How do you know I’ll distract you? How do you know I can’t help?”
“Because she will come after you. She will definitely come after you.”
She knew how to hurt him—by taking the people he cared about, one by one.
Back then, when he planned to avenge Tasha, he had accepted he would die. He got his brothers drunk so they wouldn’t follow. But the next morning, when he opened the door—
They were all there.
Awake early. Armed. Smiling at him.
Each one saying the same line:
—“Luo, count me in.”
—“Me too.”
Eleven men went in. Nine never came back.
Aoki dragged the barely breathing Luo Ren out. In a rented room at the border, Luo Ren, choking on blood, weakly laughed:
“Why did you bring me back? I should’ve died there.”
His life felt borrowed, weightless, one he could hand over at any time. He had even thought of transferring the curse meant for Ping Ting onto himself. At worst—death.
“Mu Dai,” he whispered, “as long as you’re safe… as long as you’re alive… I’ll have a reason to survive.”
To live for someone is harder than dying for them.
Dying takes an instant.
Living takes countless instants—bearing everything.
“Don’t laugh at me. Call it selfish if you want. Keeping you alive… is how I keep myself alive. So please… listen. All right?”
Meow meow On TPH Chapter 26.1