GWID Chapter 49

Xing Yi had only ever written documents over the course of his tens of thousands of years — mostly annotations: things like “Approved,” “Not Approved,” “Rewrite this, what kind of garbage proposal is this.” Going further back to ancient times, he had once traveled with Cang Jie and had copied out some manuscripts.

Let alone self-criticisms — he’d never even had to write a declaration of war. Back in those days, once he’d decided to act, no one could stop him. If he didn’t like the look of someone, he’d go pick a fight. If someone came to his door, he’d wake in the dead of night, grab the longsword he used as a pillow, and stride out to meet them in battle — ignorant and fearless, and never once failing.

He was lucky that Little Phoenix had helped him cut the word count from the original three thousand down to five hundred, Xing Yi thought as he picked up his brush. Otherwise he would have had to sneak over to Wenchang Xingjun and steal a few self-criticism essays from the celestial schoolchildren.

His brush tip hovered motionlessly for quite a while. Then he began to write. “I sincerely reflect upon and acknowledge my wrongdoing. I should not have imitated the other little birds in their bridal chamber…” He described the whole affair with vivid flair. To pad the word count, he also painted two illustrations: the first, which he claimed depicted “scenes of other little birds in their bridal chamber” — was in fact a copy of the bird-mating illustration from Ancient Scrolls: Birds and Fowl; the second, drawn from memory and impression, depicted two round, chubby little dumpling-shapes, one stacked atop the other.

When the illustrations were done, he was still considerably short of the word count, so Xing Yi rambled on at length — first offering a deep reflection on his habit of imitating whatever he saw, then seizing the opportunity to lament once more his miserable lot of having no father, no mother, no branch to perch on, and expressing his hope that his dear Brother Yuan Yuan could find it in his heart to forgive him.

When he finished, Xing Yi counted roughly and reckoned it was close enough to five hundred characters. He then rolled the letter up, tucked it into his sleeve, and sat in a daze staring at the deep blue dawn light filtering through the window.

This little bird wanted him to meet with Coal Ball again. What was he going to do about that?

He had well and truly dug himself a pit and jumped right into it. As for the art of creating a doppelganger — a single soul could only control one body at a time. If he simultaneously took the form of both himself and Little Coal Ball, he would inevitably end up neglecting one or the other.

Having someone else play him wasn’t out of the question, but speaking this business aloud would be far too embarrassing. And besides, Little Phoenix knew him well — someone else would easily be exposed.

Xing Yi turned it over and over in his mind but couldn’t come up with anything, and accidentally fell asleep in the meantime. As dawn approached, the Star Disc grew restless again, and so he re-opened the wound that was nearly scabbed over and let the blood flow once more.

The searing pain of the torn wound, amplified by the technique, jolted Xing Yi into sharp clarity. He returned to the room, saw that Little Phoenix was still sleeping, and lay down beside him on the bed, pulling him into his arms.

Little Phoenix stirred, nuzzling toward him, his voice soft and warm. “Weijian, your birthday is less than a month away.”

Xing Yi said, “Mm.” He watched Little Phoenix’s drowsy, half-asleep state, and suddenly felt a teasing impulse rise in him. He caught hold of him and tried to coax something out. “What birthday gift have you prepared for me, little bad bird?”

Half in dream and half awake, Little Phoenix kept his lips sealed tight. “That’s a secret, Weijian. You’d better think about what you’re going to give me instead — I’ve said it before, you have to exchange a surprise for mine.”

Xing Yi flicked his nose. “Then what do you want?”

Little Phoenix, pestered nearly awake, simply pulled the quilt over himself entirely and burrowed underneath it, refusing to listen or reply any further. And so Xing Yi stopped bothering him.

He suddenly remembered something very important: he still hadn’t managed to get Little Phoenix to tell him what surprise he wanted. He’d originally transformed into Little Coal Ball to fish for clues, but every time he saw Little Phoenix, he forgot all about it.

Thinking on this, he closed his eyes and suddenly felt that this Little Phoenix fellow had brought him quite a fair share of troublesome matters. Rather than thinking so much, he’d be better off sleeping first, and dealing with everything else after he woke up.

Having let blood to suppress the Star Disc, he was already exhausted, and for a moment he forgot about the pain on his body — all he wanted was to hold this little bird in his arms and get some proper rest. He didn’t notice that his wound, forcibly rinsed by the cold spring of Fuli Palace, had begun to slowly seep blood again. The cut, soaked by water and faintly white at the edges, deep enough to see bone, accumulated more and more viscous blood, soaking through his wrist, until it swelled and dripped down onto the bed.

But when he woke the next day, everything had been cleaned up — the bedding was changed, and his hand had been bandaged again. The moment he opened his eyes, he saw Little Phoenix carefully smoothing out the freshly changed bedding, attempting to flip him over in the process. He furrowed his brow and asked, “What’s the matter?”

Little Phoenix scratched his head. “Weijian, the bedding had gotten a bit dusty. The sun’s out today, so I changed it out to wash, and asked the fairy sister to help hang it to dry.”

Xing Yi reached out and pulled Little Phoenix forward so he tumbled into his arms. He breathed in the green bamboo fragrance in Little Phoenix’s hair, looped his arms around his waist, and held on like a child reluctant to leave bed, clinging to a stuffed toy. “Sleep a little longer. Just use a spell to dry it.”

Little Phoenix said earnestly, “Bedding dried by phoenix fire would be scorching hot to sleep in, and you might even get a nosebleed. Bedding dried in sunlight is the most comfortable to sleep in. Weijian, you’ve forgotten the ways mortals do things — there’s real reason behind all of this.”

Xing Yi gave a noncommittal hum from his nose, then continued holding him and asked, “So do you have any plans for today?”

Little Phoenix thought for a moment. “Probably go find Little Coal Ball, review his self-criticism, and then bring him home to play. Weijian, what about you? Do you have time today to come entertain Little Coal Ball with me?”

Xing Yi paused, then thought for a moment, reached out and ruffled Little Phoenix’s head. “I can’t today — I have to… I have to make a trip to Fan Tian, to discuss something with the Great Phoenix.”

Little Phoenix had always regarded the Phoenix Ming Zun as an idol — reverent and a little afraid, and even a bit timid upon meeting him. If it had been Yue Lao, Qisha, Tanlang, or the like, he might have wheedled and rolled around to make Xing Yi change the date, or invited them all over to meet Little Coal Ball together. But invoking the Phoenix Ming Zun was the safest excuse of all.

Xing Yi watched Little Phoenix, and sure enough saw this little plump bird’s faint disappointment. “Then… then you go talk with Ming Zun. I’ll go tell Little Coal Ball we’ll do it another day.”

With a poof, he transformed into his bird form, flapped his wings, then leaned over and rubbed his fluffy little head against Xing Yi’s cheek. “Then I’ll be off, husband.”

Xing Yi reached out and flicked his little bird bottom, then watched the plump little bird shoot off like a small cannonball. “Mm, go have fun.”

The snow-white, round little figure disappeared from view. Xing Yi glanced around — no one in sight. He transformed into Little Coal Ball, made a safe landing, then followed right out through the window.

Little Phoenix had just arrived under the old persimmon tree when Xing Yi came right up behind him.

Little Phoenix held out a smug little claw. “Time to hand in your self-criticism, Little Coal Ball.”

Xing Yi searched for a long time, finally rummaging the letter out from within his thick fluffy plumage, and obediently passed it over. He had deliberately altered his handwriting. Little Phoenix inspected it thoroughly and found nothing unusual — only when he came to the two mating illustrations did he pause —

Then he raised his little wings and proceeded to thoroughly thrash Xing Yi with them. “Little Coal Ball! Little Coal Ball! I told you to write a self-criticism, not paint erotic pictures!”

Xing Yi protested with great grievance. “This counts as an erotic picture?”

Little Phoenix continued hollering. “A little bird’s erotic picture is still an erotic picture! Little Coal Ball, your mind has become very impure! Write me another five hundred character self-criticism!”

This time Xing Yi didn’t bother reasoning with him. He went straight in belly-to-belly, rubbing frantically against Little Phoenix until all the feathers on Little Phoenix’s neck were disheveled. “I don’t want to write any more self-criticisms, Big Brother. I have no money — I’m as poor as you — I can’t even afford a stick of ink. The paper and brush I used to write your self-criticism were borrowed from someone else. If I write another one, people will look down on me again.”

Little Phoenix, upon hearing this, was both startled and stricken. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner! I forgot — yesterday I only remembered to give you sweet potatoes and persimmons. Come with me, I’ll give you my private savings.”

Xing Yi said, “That’s really not necessary, Big Brother. I can get on just fine on my own — as long as you don’t make me write self-criticisms anymore.”

Little Phoenix was insistent. “Come with me. Little birds all need pocket money.” Seeing that Coal Ball wasn’t budging, he quickly coaxed. “You don’t have to write the self-criticism either, alright? Oh, you stubborn little bird, how can you be so foolish.”

Xing Yi couldn’t resist him in the end, and was ultimately scooped up by Little Phoenix, who huffed and puffed carrying him all the way back to Fuli Palace.

Little Phoenix first looked around in all directions, then pushed Xing Yi through the gap in the broken window with a plop — he rolled into the bedchamber — and then Little Phoenix himself slipped in carefully and quietly.

Before Xing Yi could get his bearings from the tumble, Little Phoenix had already grabbed him and dragged him over to the bed. Little Phoenix produced the storage ring and crouched before him, round as a little ball, first swiping out a large pile of spirit stones with his little wing, then counting out peaches of immortality, lianshi fruit, and other valuable items. “Ah, Little Coal Ball, these are all my private savings — secretly stashed away behind Weijian’s back. Don’t tell my husband, alright? That way, if he and I ever have a quarrel, I’ll still have money to go somewhere else.”

Xing Yi fell silent. “Doesn’t he usually give you money?”

Little Phoenix said earnestly, “He does, but that money is what I’m keeping as startup capital for my future business plans — it can’t be touched. Alright, why does such a tiny little bird talk so much? Big Brother is giving you money, so just take it. You absolutely must remember — don’t tell Weijian. I might use this money to visit a pleasure house someday. Weijian is an old fogey; he won’t understand the tastes of us young little birds. We should respect him.”

Xing Yi: “……”

Little Phoenix found him a new storage ring, wrapped it up nicely in a small bundle, picked it up in his beak and passed it over, gazing at him with eyes full of warm satisfaction. “With money, you’ll already be more promising than I was at your age.”

Xing Yi suppressed the urge to grab this little bird and knead him thoroughly, and with perfect composure accepted the small bundle, then tilted his head to ask. “By the way — you’ve given me so many things. Is there anything you yourself want? I can get it for you.”

Little Phoenix gave him a suspicious look, then benevolently patted his head with a little wing. “No need, Little Coal Ball. If you can grow up to be a Coal Ball who is of use to the immortal realm, that will be the greatest reward you can give me.”

Xing Yi: “……”

Xing Yi steadied himself, then told him in earnest. “Big Brother, I heard from someone that among the phoenix clan, those with white feathers are delicate and fragile, while those with black feathers have efficacious speech — whatever they say will come true. I don’t know if this is true, but would you be willing to try it with me? It’s not like there’s anything to lose.”

Little Phoenix stretched his neck out curiously. “Really? But I’ve never heard of this. Let me think…” Little Phoenix pondered at length and muttered, “I don’t seem to have anything I particularly want. Come to think of it, it seems I told Weijian to prepare a birthday surprise for me, but I don’t even know what surprise I want myself — let alone Weijian. I think I’m being a bit unreasonable.”

He didn’t notice the black Little Coal Ball beside him nodding in approving agreement. He just continued on of his own accord. “A few months ago, my wish was probably to become Weijian’s empress. But now Weijian has already acknowledged it — even though nobody else knows yet, or they tease the two of us about it — I know I am going to be his empress. That’s already very good.”

Xing Yi hopped in front of him, nudged him with his belly, and called out boldly. “I promise — after tomorrow, everyone in the entire Heavenly Court will know you are his future empress!”

Little Phoenix was startled by this unrestrained outburst, and felt a little shy at his loudly proclaimed declaration, quickly tugging at him. “Quiet down, Little Coal Ball. Big Brother also has a sense of dignity.”

Xing Yi continued nudging him. “What other wishes do you have? Tell me.”

Little Phoenix kept thinking. “It seems like… there really aren’t any more. I’m not as poor as I used to be, I’ve found my husband, I have a little companion, there’s more to eat… it seems like there really aren’t any more.”

Xing Yi blinked his small bead-like eyes at him, and then he saw Little Phoenix change his mind. “No, wait — there is one thing that makes me very sad. Little Coal Ball, my husband is a very powerful immortal who has to suppress a very powerful magical artifact. A few days ago, he told me he needs to let blood to activate the formation — just a little bit, and it doesn’t hurt. But after he lets the blood, I always see he looks very tired, and his wound keeps not healing.”

Little Phoenix drooped his little head dejectedly. “This morning too — his wound flared up again. I don’t know why it keeps not getting better. The blood soaked the entire bedding through. I’m very sad, and I’m very worried about him. Little Coal Ball, can you help me make a wish? I reckon phoenix blood must be quite rare and potent. I’m so healthy — could you wish that I be allowed to let blood in his place from now on?”

Xing Yi froze.

Little Phoenix was earnestly sorrowful, and didn’t notice his expression. “Weijian has always been the type to carry everything alone, and never tells me anything… But even though I’m a little foolish, I still understand reason. Back in the mortal world — in the mortal world, he was the same way. That emperor already had so much suspicion toward him, yet he still coaxed me and said everything was fine. He and I are already married, but I’m not useless. I want to help Weijian share some of his burden, so he doesn’t have to be so tired.”

When he finished, Little Phoenix fell quiet, crouching in the corner of the wall, lost in thought.

Coal Ball was also silent, and said nothing for a long while.

A moment later, Little Phoenix felt a soft wing gently pat his head.

His Little Coal Ball stood before him, looking at him with earnest eyes. “It will be so.”

He raised a little claw, hooked it around Little Phoenix’s snow-white claw, and they pinky-swore. “I promise — his wound will heal very soon, and he will tell you everything.”