Tong Qian (Big Brother) is a dumb cat.
This was a fact known by everyone in the cat café, except for Tong Qian himself. Later, once the cats got their own phones and started exploring the colorful world of the internet, they learned a new term: “straight man”. Tong Qian was the ultimate “straight man” cat.
Fondant was trotting along with the knitted ball Song Gao had given her in her mouth. As she passed the cat tree on the second floor, she watched as a giant, orange-and-black fur-ball crashed—splat—into the cat bed right in front of her.
Tong Qian lay there half-dead in the bed, sprawled out in all directions with an expression of utter despair. Up on the cat tree, Yin Zhou’s round little face popped out to take a peek, only to turn away coldly, leaving both the customers and Tong Qian with nothing but the sight of a beautiful, fluffy tail.
Startled by Tong Qian’s sudden arrival, Fondant accidentally dropped her knitted ball. It rolled to the edge of the cat bed, where Tong Qian’s lashing tail swatted it away. The ball was light and delicate, crafted to a size just large enough that a cat couldn’t swallow it. Under the force of the leopard cat’s powerful tail, it rolled toward the stairs and slipped through the gap, falling to the first floor.
Fondant was stunned.
That ball was a gift from Song Gao. Even among her overflowing box of toys and accessories, it was one of her most cherished treasures. Because it had been made by Song Gao’s kin and held special meaning to him, Fondant only brought it out occasionally to play with, treating it with the utmost care.
The moment the ball tumbled down, little Fondant scrambled after it toward the first floor.
Her desperation was obvious to anyone watching. Several customers immediately hurried downstairs after her to help retrieve the ball.
Yun Chao’s fluffy tail thudded against the ground as she stood up. Sensing her impatience, Miss Penny quickly tried to soothe her: “Let’s go help Fondant find her ball together.”
Yun Chao cast a sharp glance at Tong Qian’s tail before finally lowering her own and heading downstairs.
Completely oblivious to the fact that he had just dodged a bullet, Tong Qian climbed out of the cat bed and pawed at the cat tree, yowling toward the top: “Meow-ao?”
Are you mad?
Yin Zhou ignored him entirely, even tucking his tail out of sight.
Tong Qian felt deeply wronged.
…
Yin Zhou had gone back to giving Tong Qian the cold shoulder. Tong Qian was so dejected he didn’t even have the energy for his daily morning and evening exercise. He was scratching at his post with zero enthusiasm.
Zhou Yan crouched beside him for a while, filming, and muttered, “Is this a sad love song?”
He scratched his head, feeling like he couldn’t stay near Tong Qian for too long. Listen to those cries for long enough, and even he would start feeling depressed.
Tong Qian gave him a listless look.
Dan Huang sat down beside Tong Qian with a heavy duang: “What did you do to upset Yin Zhou this time?”
The mere mention of it made Tong Qian feel indignant: “I didn’t do anything!”
Dan Huang was puzzled. “But Yin Zhou is definitely angry. Didn’t he push you off the cat tree yesterday? Penny told me that you also accidentally knocked Fondant’s ball away. Yun Chao wanted to beat you up right then and there.”
Tong Qian: “……”
Why was his life so hard?!
Dan Huang licked his paw, going through his morning grooming routine as he spoke: “So, tell me. How exactly did you provoke Yin Zhou?” When Yin Zhou first arrived at the cat café, he and Tong Qian were constantly fighting. But ever since that one time Tong Qian pulled a massive stunt and managed to coax Yin Zhou back, the two of them hadn’t really had any conflicts. So, what was going on these past two days?
Tong Qian thought about it carefully, looking even more puzzled than Dan Huang: “I really didn’t say much… Oh, I remember now! I just said he’s good-looking, like a girl. And then he got mad.”
Dan Huang: “……”
He fell silent for a few seconds before slowly muttering, “Why didn’t that fall just kill you…”
How stupid can you be? To praise a boy’s looks by saying he’s “like a girl”. Would you praise a girl for being cool and having a strong aura by saying she’s “like a man”? He truly deserved that beating from Yun Chao.
Tong Qian was still looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to offer some advice.
After a long silence, Dan Huang said earnestly, “Yin Zhou is a boy. How could you say he’s like a girl?”
Tong Qian felt so wronged: “Isn’t it supposed to be equality between men and women? Those girls are always praising Yun Chao for being ‘handsome’ and saying she’s ‘so protective’ or has ‘alpha energy’. and I don’t see Yun Chao getting angry.”
Besides, she is good-looking!
Just look: that broad forehead, those golden eyes, the round face, and that big tail. With his thick, plush fur and the way he leaps up and down so vigorously, he’s clearly very—
Dan Huang felt a wave of despair. “Equality doesn’t mean they’re the same. Girls can have kittens. Can you? Do girls grow to be as buff as you? All you do is harp on about equality… No, wait, that’s not the point. Saying Yin Zhou is good-looking doesn’t mean you have to say he’s like a girl. You could praise him for something else, like…”
Tong Qian blurted out, “Cute!”
Dan Huang fell silent, stood up, and walked away without looking back.
Tong Qian: ???
Weren’t we having a perfectly good conversation?
You couldn’t really blame Tong Qian this time. In the cat café, every cat, boy or girl, gets called “cute” by humans, and no cat ever gets offended by it. In Tong Qian’s mind, “cute” was a universal, neutral compliment.
It seemed Yin Zhou was truly angry this time. Tong Qian wandered around, looking for other cats to give him advice.
Fondant looked dazed. “Is Yin Zhou angry?”
Yun Chao simply dropped a few choice words: “You’re beyond help. Just wait for death.”
Dai Dai, always one to enjoy a bit of chaos, chimed in: “Coaxing him is useless anyway. Knowing you, Brother Tong Qian, you’ll probably just mess it up in the end.”
Mao Mao: “Yeah! What Sister said!”
Tong Qian completed a full lap around the café. Instead of receiving any advice, he only managed to annoy himself further. He flopped onto a wall shelf half-dead, thinking in despair: Do I really have to go to Director Bo for advice?
Maybe… maybe I’ll wait one more day. If all else fails, I’ll go to the boss.
Fortunately, Miss Penny finished looking after the kittens in the boarding shop that day. She appeared before Tong Qian like a descending angel and offered the silly cat a suggestion: “In a few days, it will be the third anniversary of Yin Zhou joining the café. You should prepare a gift for him and give him a proper apology.”
Tong Qian nodded vigorously. “Right, right, right! I’ll go take a look now!”
With that, he bolted up to the third floor without looking back.
Miss Penny hesitated for a moment, worried that Tong Qian wouldn’t know how to pick a gift. However, Shang Qiu was rolling around and clinging to her, meowing for her company. Trapped by the clingy cat, Miss Penny couldn’t move, so she could only watch as Tong Qian headed upstairs to choose his present.
It should be fine, she thought. It’s just a gift, after all. Even if he isn’t good with words, Tong Qian’s aesthetic sense should be alright.
Miss Penny gave Shang Qiu a lick and pushed the matter to the back of her mind.
…
Choosing a gift is a specialized skill. Even as dim-witted as Tong Qian was, he knew that a gift should cater to the recipient’s interests. Consequently, he spent several days observing in secret. However, Yin Zhou’s most frequent daily activity was simply lying on the cat tree, occasionally jumping from branch to branch. Aside from that, what he often did was…
Tong Qian hid behind a corner, revealing only a pair of eyes to observe—
Yin Zhou climbed the cat tree. Yin Zhou stopped moving.
Fondant came over. Today, she had a new transparent ball that refracted light as it rolled. It was Fondant’s new favorite, likely bought by Yun Chao. She hadn’t let it out of her sight for a long time.
Yin Zhou came down! Yin Zhou started playing with Fondant!
Tong Qian had an epiphany. Aside from the cat tree, Yin Zhou probably liked things that looked pretty.
As expected, good-looking cats like good-looking things. Tong Qian also thought Fondant’s ball was quite pretty.
Tong Qian quietly pulled his head back and scurried up to the third floor. He opened Taobao on his phone. As soon as he typed “gift for a friend” into the search bar, the phrase “birthday gift for a friend” automatically popped up below.
Tong Qian clicked it. Half an hour later, he finally selected what he felt was the perfect gift and clicked “Place Order”.
When it came time to pay, his heart twinged. It was ex… expensive. So expensive his chest actually ached.
Tong Qian’s package arrived very quickly. He took some time off and sneakily brought a box back, only to run right into the boss.
Pei Shiyi was a bit surprised. “You bought something?”
Tong Qian was a “straight man” cat, both clueless and stingy. He only knew how to buy things like clothes because Yin Zhou had guided him. After shifting into human form, he was the kind of pure “straight man” who thought that as long as he’d brushed his teeth, washed his face, and had enough clothes on to cover himself, he was good to go out.
His stinginess manifested in the fact that no matter how cool or perfect a new scratching post in the online shop was, as long as the boss didn’t buy it, he wouldn’t buy it himself. He’d rather stare longingly at his phone every day, imagining the feel of it while using his old post, than spend a single cent of his own.
How could such a little skinflint actually be online shopping?
Clutching the box, Tong Qian whispered in a tiny voice, “Shh, Boss! Don’t let Yin Zhou hear. I bought this for him. It was super expensive. He doesn’t know yet. I’m going to take it upstairs in a bit and give him a surprise.”
Pei Shiyi was well aware that the two were having a falling out. However, since they were both grown cats, he figured they should learn to resolve their own conflicts, so he stayed out of it and let them handle it themselves.
Pei Shiyi looked at the delivery box in Tong Qian’s arms, feeling like a proud parent. He patted Tong Qian on the shoulder. “That’s good. Yin Zhou is off today. He’s up on the third floor.”
Tong Qian stripped off the shipping packaging while still on the first floor, revealing a solid-colored paper box inside that could be flipped open directly.
Yin Zhou, Yun Chao, and Fondant were all off duty today. The three cats were currently organizing Fondant’s collection, or rather, Yin Zhou and Fondant were in charge of rummaging through things whileYun Chao simply crouched nearby, watching quietly.
Tong Qian sat down solemnly in front of Yin Zhou and placed the box before him.
Yin Zhou: “……”
With the solemn air of one unveiling a great treasure, Tong Qian opened the box in his hands, revealing a transparent, sharply faceted container.
The small container had been cut into hundreds of facets, each one refracting different colors of light. Enhanced by the sunlight streaming through the floor-to-ceiling windows, it sparkled so intensely that the cats couldn’t help but squint. At the bottom of the container, there was a photo of Yin Zhou.
It was red.
Yin Zhou stared blankly at the object before him.
Tong Qian, presumably convinced he had purchased the gift of a lifetime, looked at Yin Zhou expectantly and said, “It’s pretty, right? This cat bowl is crystal. It sparkles just like a diamond!”
Yin Zhou: “…You’re calling this a cat bowl?”
Wasn’t this just a ten-yuan glass ashtray from a general store?
Tong Qian hurriedly pointed to the photo at the bottom of the “bowl”. “Yeah, yeah! Look at this. The shopkeeper didn’t know how to draw, so I sent them a photo instead. The effect turned out pretty well, right?”
Yin Zhou remained calm for exactly two seconds before suddenly lunging forward, pinning Tong Qian to the carpet. He gave Tong Qian’s face a thorough trample with his paws before heading downstairs without looking back.
Tong Qian was bewildered. “Is he… is he just too happy?”
Yun Chao slowly turned her head away, unable to bear watching him be so incredibly stupid.
With this level of emotional intelligence, he might as well say goodbye to ever falling in love.
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wannaberecluse On SRTT Chapter 50.1