SES Chapter 55 V1

Chapter 55 

Mu Dai didn’t respond immediately. She pursed her lips and said, “Then I’ll call Hongsha and the others over to play too.”

Luo Ren replied, “I wanted to talk to you about something, not play party games.”

Mu Dai couldn’t quite explain the emotion that stirred inside her—something stubborn, something resentful. She asked, “So how do we play?”

Luo Ren held out his hand, showing a ten-yuan commemorative coin from the Year of the Goat.

“We’ll flip a coin. If it lands on the side with the character, you ask me a question. If it lands on the goat, I ask you. One question each round. Flip again after we answer.”

Mu Dai stayed silent, but a decision quietly settled in her heart. She nodded.

Luo Ren flipped the coin first. Mu Dai watched it intently, spinning mid-air like a bee’s wings in rapid motion. When it landed on the back of his hand, he should’ve covered it as per usual, but just as he lifted his hand, Mu Dai suddenly reached out and blocked him. The coin had landed on the goat, but she covered it, swiped it, and flipped it to the other side.

A masterclass in cheating.

Luo Ren chuckled, “Alright, your turn to ask.”

Mu Dai said, “Do you still like me?”

She had made up her mind—this was her first question. If Luo Ren said no, then that was her answer. No need to play any further. She hated how these past few days she had been so unsure and anxious because of him. She needed clarity—needed an ending or something definite.

Luo Ren nodded. “I do.”

Oh. You do? Mu Dai’s heart skipped a beat. She felt a little dazed and didn’t know what to do with her face. The coin flipped again, but now it felt meaningless.

This time, it was Luo Ren’s turn to ask.

“If you liked someone, would you die for them?”

Mu Dai didn’t respond right away. Girls are intuitive. She felt she already understood what Luo Ren was trying to get at—what he was leading toward.

And since it was supposed to be an honest game—no disguising selfishness, cowardice, vanity, or greed—she answered truthfully.

“I like someone because it makes me happier to be with them. Why would I die for them? Who just casually chooses to die? Aunt Hong took me in and raised me—I want to repay her with my whole heart. But even if you asked me to die for her, I’d still have to think hard about it.”

Luo Ren nodded.

Mu Dai flipped the coin again. Goat—his turn again.

This time, his question was even more pointed:
“What if you fall for someone who brings a lot of trouble with him? Trouble that might drag you into danger. Would you still like him?”

Mu Dai stared at him. “Then I’d need to ask—what is he going to do about it?”

Luo Ren hesitated. “Mu Dai, I’ve got a lot of trouble. Life-threatening kind.”

“Then answer me. What are you going to do?”

No more need for a coin. They were beyond that now.

“Mu Dai, I want you to be safe, to live happily. I don’t want you taking risks. I don’t want my problems putting you in danger.”

Mu Dai said, “So what, I’m supposed to stay far away from you? Move after we get back? Never contact you again? Find a new boyfriend, get married, have kids, live a long life, die of old age, and not even tell you when I go? I’m buried here, you’re buried there, we just die separately, is that it?”

Luo Ren said nothing. Her few short sentences spanned a lifetime—from life to death—and it suddenly felt like human connections were that thin. Yesterday, they were ready to live and die together. Today, they were strangers.

She pressed again. “Is that really what you want?”

Luo Ren was silent. Of course not. That’s not what he wanted.

Mu Dai continued, “Or do you want me to avoid you now, wait for you to deal with all your dangerous problems, wait until the world is peaceful and perfect, and then come be with you? Is that it?”

Luo Ren hesitated. That would be the ideal scenario… but from the tone of her voice, he could tell—she was mocking him.

Sure enough, she said, “You’re dreaming.”

Her eyes were red. “I’ve never loved anyone before. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand what love is. I just know that the best time for two people to be together is when you like me and I like you. That ‘wait till I’m rich,’ ‘wait till I’m famous,’ ‘wait till I fix everything,’ crap—wait too long, and there’s nothing left to wait for.”

Luo Ren looked at her.

She said, “When I was a kid, I loved milk chocolate. Aunt Hong wouldn’t let me have it—she was afraid I’d get cavities. I used to think about it all the time. Now I’m grown, I can buy it whenever I want… but I don’t like it anymore.”

“Luo Ren, you’re like that milk chocolate. Something I used to want so badly, but never got. And once I give up on you, I won’t want you anymore. I won’t wait for you. I’ll only wait for someone I love so deeply I’d die for him. You and I—we don’t love each other that much.”

Then, softly: “I don’t even know if that kind of love exists.”

She sighed and walked away. But after a few steps, she turned back.

“You said you didn’t want me taking risks, didn’t want me getting hurt. But I want to tell you—even if I leave you, I might still end up risking everything for someone else I love. I might still get hurt. Just because I’m not with you doesn’t mean I’ll live a peaceful, easy life. You’re not me.”

With that, she turned and walked off, going to sit beside Yan Hongsha.

Yan Hongsha gave her a curious look. “What were you two talking about?”

Mu Dai had just driven Cao Yanhua away, and now her heart was full of things she couldn’t say. In the end, all she could manage was a sigh.

She muttered, “Relationships are so complicated. I used to think liking each other was enough. Turns out, there’s a lot more to it.”

Yan Hongsha said, “Of course! That’s how it works—love has to be full of twists and turns, uncertainty, tears, heartbreak, joy, and catharsis. Then it’s real.”

Mu Dai rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Like you’d know. How many boyfriends have you had?”

Yan Hongsha went quiet. After a while, she mumbled, “That’s what the books say. If they weren’t right, would they get published?”

—

After being scolded by Mu Dai, Cao Yanhua wandered off with nowhere to go. He figured Luo Ren probably didn’t want to see him either, so he went to find his good buddy Yi Wansan.