SBAB Chapter 47

“No.”

— Or perhaps, “Yes.”

Cheng Shiyin didn’t hear a definite answer. She, like Lin Xin had been before, anxiously waited.

It was as though time itself was determined to go against her, slowing its flow. The second hand on the clock refused to move to the next tick, as if it wanted her to experience the same feeling Lin Xin had once felt. When Lin Xin turned to look at her, Cheng Shiyin felt like half a century had passed.

Lin Xin slowly opened his mouth, pointed to the sky in slow motion, and with a festive expression perfectly suited for the Spring Festival, said three words to Cheng Shiyin: “Look! Fireworks.” At the same time, the continuous sounds of popping fireworks filled the air.

This was the response Cheng Shiyin had waited half a century to receive.

Lin Xin was unaware that Cheng Shiyin’s mood had dropped to rock bottom. He was still hopeful that she would show a hint of joy at the “flowers” he had finally managed to offer her. He even gave her a look, as if silently saying, “Come on, praise me!”

Though Lin Xin had managed to get the fireworks he wanted to share with Cheng Shiyin, she chose to reject them. Facing the magnificent display in the sky, Cheng Shiyin didn’t even look at it. Instead, she stared at Lin Xin, her gaze filled with something he had never seen before—both melancholic and dreamy. It was a look he had never encountered. And her question seemed to sink into the sea, never making a ripple.

She seemed to be waiting for something, perhaps an answer. Lin Xin tried to read something from Cheng Shiyin’s face but found it useless.

As Cheng Shiyin spoke, Lin Xin’s ears were “deafened” by the fireworks. Her question was drowned out, not reaching his ears at all. Even when Lin Xin tried to recall the moment, he could only vaguely catch a glimpse of Cheng Shiyin’s lips moving, as if she had said something. He didn’t know how to read lips, so he couldn’t figure out what she had said. Lin Xin, feeling unsure, asked, “What did you just say?”

What Lin Xin didn’t know was that the brief question Cheng Shiyin had asked had shattered all her previous doubts, including her carefully considered refusal, and all the promises she had made to herself to deny her feelings. She had overturned everything, dismissing her actions as meaningless. Just saying those words, quietly and haltingly, had drained all the courage she had.

So how could she, as Lin Xin wished, repeat it fully?

In the end, Cheng Shiyin merely lowered her head and responded, “Nothing,” and left, never daring to look Lin Xin in the eyes.

Before entering her room, Cheng Shiyin gathered a little courage, looked back at Lin Xin, and said, “Goodnight,” before closing the door without intending to wait for his response.

“Goodnight,” Lin Xin said to the closed door. After that, he stumbled back to his room.

They exchanged goodnights, but neither of them managed to sleep peacefully that night.

Lin Xin had never seen anyone so conflicted, nor had he ever heard such a bitter, yet confused tone. Cheng Shiyin left behind that complex “goodnight.” How could he sleep after that?

He could only toss and turn, replaying the moment in his mind over and over, trying to understand the question he had missed. Only by uncovering it could he unlock the key to this puzzle.

Again and again, Lin Xin re-enacted the scene, and finally, a clue emerged: “It seems to be six words.”

“I… can I?”

“Can… what about you?”

Lin Xin tried to guess the six words, considering every possible combination he could think of, comparing them with the movements of his lips. But he couldn’t find the right word to complete the most important one. In the end, his efforts were futile.

Once again, Lin Xin lay tossing and turning on his bed, this time unable to sleep. Cheng Shiyin was the same. She didn’t know if she could muster the courage again, but she knew that Lin Xin was so timid, always too concerned with his thoughts. Now, he was constrained by the very rules she had set. So, perhaps this time, they would truly miss their chance.

Cheng Shiyin was afraid.

Though the night was difficult, it eventually passed.

Lin Xin couldn’t sleep. He never once thought of giving up, but by the time the morning sunlight hit his face, he still hadn’t arrived at a useful conclusion. He always felt so stupid, never understanding anything.

Lin Xin buried his head in the pillow, and tears suddenly welled up, just like Cheng Shiyin had felt the night before.

And then, he suddenly understood.

He realized when he had felt conflicted, when he had hoped, and when he had been sad. He understood why he had felt bitter, why he had been confused, and why he had lost his courage.

She must have felt the same way.

All of Cheng Shiyin’s emotions from yesterday were almost exactly what he had experienced that very day.

Lin Xin quickly wiped away his tears. He no longer had the right to cry. He couldn’t be bothered with his messy hair or his appearance. He immediately got up from the bed and rushed to knock on Cheng Shiyin’s door.

When Lin Xin saw Cheng Shiyin’s reddened eyes, though she pretended nothing was wrong, he remembered his past promise. He shouldn’t have let her cry like this.

But at that moment, he couldn’t feel the same sadness Cheng Shiyin had. His heart was full of a sweetness completely different from hers.

Because, at that moment, he finally understood the question Cheng Shiyin had asked him the night before.

So, on the first day of the new year, Cheng Shiyin opened the door, and without a word, Lin Xin lowered his head and kissed her.

This was Lin Xin’s answer.